WHY I CUT MY HAIR OFF

My hair is now short. About 3 hours ago, maybe 4... it was bobbing around my shoulders looking all cute and sweet. Why did I cut it off?

I've been taught through the media, through my parents,through my friends and just generally my overall interactions that when you are a woman, long hair is best suited. Why I don't really know. Apparently it makes you look feminine and lush and stuff, who knows. I've never really had a strong attachment to my hair but I was often worried about what people thought of me. I would pretend I didn't care about my image and sometimes I really wouldn't care -but the majority of the time I would. I hate that! I hate knowing that I will do something or not do something because of someone else who doesn't have a clue about me.

I recently turned 20 and left my underpaid, overworked job in South East London. I had moved back in with my Dad over summer and the travelling from Essex to SE London was too much headache, plus I was spending a fortune on trains. I also received a letter telling me about an old fine I had never previously received, asking me to pay a ridiculous sum of money. I had been planning to travel to Sri Lanka to volunteer till I started back at uni in October but after receiving that (it was a very large amount)... I cancelled everything.

I then thought about how I've worked on and off since I was 15 and all it took was one year of shitty university- something we apparently all should do, to get me in even more debt than I have earned in my lifetime. I sadly am not born into wealth and I'm tired of working hard and not getting a lot in return. We shouldn't be working to pay our bills then find ourselves short at the end, we should be working to enjoy a life we want to live, that is why I save up my scraps and use it where I can to see the world! So how does this link to my hair?

Well I typed in on google, 'why do young girls cut all their hair off?'
This is what came up:

Practically all the links I found explained how the chopping of the hair from long to drastically short usually symbolises the need for control or change. One may feel as though she has lost control over her life, usually after an uncertain period that caused discomfort or maybe even trauma. The chop therefore is a way of showing herself, more than anyone that she is in control. It could also be a lot to do with just marking a new chapter. It may not always be after trauma or uncertainty but rather to feel refreshed and therefore renewed...

I cut all my hair off for both of these reasons now that I reflect upon it. I also cut my hair as throughout my teen years, my hair was what I was known for and I often felt people failed to see just me. I would straighten my hair and would get comments like, 'you look much better with your hair curly and big', meanwhile I'm thinking... Did I Even Ask You?! Cutting my hair was also a way of being defiant to what society has taught me, defines me as a woman. I was worried before that people would treat me differently, stupid I know although it genuinely did cross my mind as I feel it does happen. Women always have to legitimise their power and right as a woman and now I have a 'mans' hair surely this illegitimises me. I'm trying too hard to be masculine when all I really want is to be as feminine as can be while doing what I want! Did any of that make sense? Humph...

Well what all this boils down to is try and do you... it is easier said than done. We have twitter hype gals telling us do you boo boo and too right! But it ain't always that easy, especially when 'you' is always changing and growing due to your environment and experiences that are ever-evolving. I wake up a different person each day and not because I have a new spot or a new nail varnish colour, but because of who I met the day before and what I read at the library and maybe even the new country I hope I may have travelled to! Everything plays a part in who you are, so I don't blame you if you become a psycho killer by age 12 as more often than not, it is your environment that has caused it. 

OK I have gone waaaaay off track. C'mon. All I done was give myself a hair cut... riiiiiight?

Peace&Love
Willow